It is with a heavy heart that we will be saying goodbye to Jackass Stories. 

When I made this blog I never in my life imagine it to become as popular as is, and I sincerely apologize to everyone who looks forward to our updates, but this has become much too stressful and the joy of posting these stories has diminished for both myself and my partner, Jackie.

We will not delete this blog. We will always leave it up so that you can go back and read any story that’s already been published and enjoy each separate writers creativity and talents. 

Thank you so much for participating in this blog, whether it was by submitting your own stories or even just reading. We appreciate and love all of you.

Take care of yourselves!

xo 
Kristine & Jackie. 

I was at the bar drinking, it was about 2 in the morning, there were still many people in the bar, but it was unusually quiet, then all of a sudden a riot broke out, people were stabbed to death, so I made a run for it I ran upstairs, but ran into somebody, he pushed me over, when I was near the exit, I hit my head on something hard and passed out, everything went black… The next morning I woke up not knowing where I was, but when I looked beside me I saw Bam laying there, he woke up a few minutes later and asked “do you remember what happened last night?” my reply was “well I remember us chillin’ and then a riot broke out, I also remember being thrown over the 2nd floor of the bar” Bam said “yeah youbtook a hard fall” “yeah, who else was there?” I asked Bam told me that he was the only one there. We got dressed and went down stairs once we got there I saw Dico, Dunn, and Raab. Dico walked up to me and asked “Hey babe what’s your name?” “Shay” I replied. Bam grabbed my hand and we went upstairs, Dico asked where we were going, Bam’s reply was “to get ready fuckface” Bam took a shower while I waited he came out, got dressed, and said he’d meet me downstairs, I took a shower and got ready. I walked downstairs and heard the guys talking about me, they talked about the riot at the bar, and told them what happened, I heard him say “she’s tough, she’s a bull rider” Raab said “Damn, that’s hot” I walked out and said “hell yeah” I have to get ready for the rodeo which means I have to ride today”. Bam took me to the corral, I rode for a while, and we left. When we arrived back to castle Bam, Glomb and Vito were there, right when Bam walked in Vito started bitchin’ “where the hell have you been, who the hell is she?” Bam said “this is Shay, and we’ve been watching her bull riding” Glomb said “Damn, that’s hot girl” I replied with “thanks” Bam said “hey now, back off shes mine” I blushed a little. We went out mudding on the fourwheelers, when we were done I said “damn that was fun” I had gone mudding before but never with Bam, we got of the fourwheeler and Bam pulled me in and kissed me. We went inside and April freaked out, she said “don’t you guys get that on the carpet!” so Dunn, Bam, and I went and rolled around on the carpet, Bam said “we gotta go shower, look what apes gotta clean up” we laughed and went upstairs. After showering we ate supper, then went off to bed. Bam kissed me, and laid me on the bed, he kept kissing me, and things between us got serious. In the morning we were awake after everyone else, Bam and I woke up, he kissed me and told me he loves me, I said “I love you too”. We went downstairs, Dunn said “I’m guessing you to had fun last night”. Bam asked the guys if they were ready, we all had our stuff ready, they were, they all had their bags packed. We were on the way to see the rest of the Jackass crew. We arrived, and Knoxville asked “Hey Bam, is this your new girl?” Bam said yes, Knoxville winked at me and I just smiled back, I think he knew I wasn’t into him. All the guys came and talked to me they asked what my name was “Shay” I replied. They were shooting Jackass 2. Getting to see it was amazing. That night we went to the bar, I told them about the riot at the bar. Later we went to a hotel, and Knoxville walked int Me and Bam’s room he said so are you with Bam, I replied and said “yeah, why do you think I’m staying in the same room?” his reply was “yeah, I see” I said “you should leave” Bam got out of the shower and asked what Knoxville was doing there, I told Bam. A few days later we headed back to Westchester, when we got back we went to the skate park, where Bam found out I could also skate, he went on a hunting trip with me to Georgia, I shot deer and hogs. Bam hung out at my cabin all day with the guys while I was hunting, we stayed for 2 weeks then went home, Bam kissed me when we got there, and said “I love you baby, it’s two in the morning lets go to sleep” I said “I love you to baby, and I agree.” We then lived our normal life with crazy ass adventures everyday.

[Four]

“So, how’d it go?” I asked, sitting down in an arm chair. Bam glanced at me, his expression unreadable. “That good, huh?” He shrugged as I pulled my knees up to my chest and ran a hand through my wet hair. There were a million questions I could’ve asked him, but to be honest, I didn’t want to know. Still don’t. I turned my eyes to the television where a skate demo was playing. I tried to make out the skater, and couldn’t. All I did know that it wasn’t Bam or Tony Hawk or Ryan Sheckler. It might’ve been Steve-O, or even Novak, but I seriously doubted it. “How’s your face feeling?”

“Better than my stomach, I‘m fucking starved” Bam said, then considered for a moment.  “Probably better than your ribs do.” I’d forgotten all about the elbow I’d taken straight to my ribs earlier that afternoon, even though they were already turning color and were hella tender to the touch. Nothing was broken, so far as I could tell, and it wasn’t like I was going to the hospital to find out. I figured if I could still breathe, I’d be okay in the long run.

I shrugged my shoulders. “Nothing too bad. Want me to make you something to eat?” I was trying to be nice. Trying the key word here. I knew for a fact that Bam wouldn’t have any groceries in this house unless April had brought them, and I doubted that, too. He was a grown man, after all, and it wasn’t as though her and Phil lived here all the time.

“There’s probably nothing down there to eat, except stoner food for Novak.” Bam said. Novak poked his head around the corner and winked. Even that was probably gone, with the rate that kid ate. And just talking about food, I was getting pretty hungry myself.

“Well, we could order in, or go out, or we could both starve until one of us dies,” I said, “And then could resort to cannibalism.” There was a smile on my face as I said it, and I could barely contain my own chuckle. There was also a certain cheeriness in my voice, as if I actually wanted to resort to joining the Donner party.

Bam laughed out of pure revulsion. “What the fuck? What kind of a sick girl are you?” He was still laughing. “I think I’ll go with order in and avoid questions about my black eye and avoid your… option three.” I hadn’t seen him laugh that hard in a long time, and never in person. I couldn’t help but to smile and laugh too.

“I do write horror stories for a living, Bam-Bam,” I said. “There’s all kinds of fucked up shit living in my head.” I got up and looked around, wondering where the best place to find a phonebook would be. I decided the Pirate Bar was the most logical, for whatever reason, and headed down there after Bam muttered something about finding better friends. I came back, with success thanks to Novak’s help, and plopped down beside Bam, really almost sitting on top of him. “Alright, what do you feel like eating other than human flesh?”

He laughed again. Anyone else would’ve thought I was some sort of serial murderer, but Bam got it, that it was just my slightly twisted sense of humor, which was a big relief. We’d become friends because he made me laugh, not the other way around, and I liked that I could pay it forward, or whatever. Bam started flipping through the phone book until he pointed to a Chinese place. “Uh huh,” I said, starting to wriggle out my cell-phone.

“Don’t bother, they’ve got us memorized. Call from the house phone. They’ll know what to bring.” Bam said, smirking at me. I think he was only smirking because I was basically gyrating against him trying to get out my cell. I stood up, making a little humph noise as I did so and tottered to the phone. Bam was right, as soon as they asked for the phone number, they said it’d be here in half an hour and hung up. I barely even had to speak. “Told you so,” Bam stated.

I shook my head. A little under an hour later, and a tall Chinese man was knocking at the door with what looked like a small nation’s worth of food. Bam handed me a couple of the five bags as he paid the man and I set the food down on the table, looking inside. “Are we feeding Luxembourg and I wasn’t made aware or…?” I asked, glancing into the bag. It smelled amazing, like fresh wanton soup and fried noodles. Shortly, Bam walked over carrying the rest of the bags. “You want a beer?” I asked, as I headed down to the Pirate Bar to get some plates.

“When don’t I want a beer?”

That was a good question, one I wasn’t going to answer as I was already on my way down the stairs. When I came back, an armful of beer in tow, Novak was already tearing into a container of Lo Mein and he grabbed two beers from the stash I’d just brought up before plopping down on the couch and training his eyes on the television where, apparently, a porno was playing. I looked at Bam and he shrugged, grabbing a bag of food and a beer and heading downstairs. I followed suit, even though I’d literally just went down there.

Bam plopped down on a barstool and I did the same. He started pulling out food, handed me a container of rice, and then opened a beer. I stared at him the whole time, wondering how I‘d gotten there for the millionth time that day. “What?” Bam asked, opening up one of the containers.

I shook my head and smiled, turning my attention to a container of soup. Out of my peripheral vision, I saw Bam smirk devilishly beside me. I was about to glance over, to ask him what the hell that look was about, but it was too late. Something wet and slightly slimy had hit me square in the cheek. I cringed, and wiped the noodles off my shirt. Taking a container of some kind of chicken, I dumped it on Bam’s head, and smiled. He shook his head at me and tossed the remainder of rice in my lap. I poured the rest of Bam’s beer on him and hopped off the barstool as soon as I’d seen his expression. I slid on the noodles that were now on the floor, Bam catching me mere seconds before I tumbled face first into the fireplace. Steadying myself, I turned around, wiping a bit of sauce from his temple and then kissing him. This was about when Novak walked in, completely nude. I didn’t even want to know what he’d been doing upstairs in our absence.

“Whoa. Bam! Didn’t know you were into food kink now!”

I rolled my eyes and stumbled away from Bam, back to the counter, still full of food.

I was washing my face while Dunn changed in his room, I grabbed some of my lotion and put it on my face and hands then went into the room. Ryan was in his bathroom brushing his teeth, I sat on the bed.

“So they know I’m engaged.” I say softly pulling the covers back. Ryan washed out his mouth and turned off the light.

“Yeah well when you parade that thing around.” Ry says grinning, I just smiled and crawled into bed. “Is everything feeling okay?” He asks referring to my baby.

“Yeah I’m fine but we can go to the doctor if you need.” I tease, he rolls his eyes.

“I just want my little nephew to feel good.” He jokes walking towards the door “night Lee.” He then closed the door and I sighed turning and rubbing my stomach.

I awoke the next morning with a note saying that Ryan had to work that morning but he left me the car. I showered and drove down the castle Bam; it was extremely quite which freaked me out a little. I slowly stepped in and walked into the living room.

“Bam?” I called out walking over to the pool table. “Chris?” I said looking behind me.

“There getting stuff for tonight.” I looked up and Missy stood on the top of the stairs her hair wet and no make-up on.

“Oh I see…” I say looking down, this was awkward. “Well Ry had to work so I thought I would hang out here since I’m leaving tomorrow night but uh…” I looked up at her.

“Stay, I’m just finishing getting ready. Make yourself comfortable.” She smiled and turned back to her and Bams room. I sat on the couch and grabbed the roommate flipping through channels my mind wandering. “Alright sorry that took so long, you can help me with dinner I mean April should be here any minute.” I looked up and she was dolled up she put her hair behind her eyes and a small glittery ring caught my eyes.

“You and Bam?” I asked smiling and getting up. Missy noticed what I was talking about and smiled nodding.

“Yeah about a week ago but we wanted to wait to announce it which is tonight.” She says, I take her hand and look. It looked just about as expensive as mine but I was still jealous because well they really were ready to spend the rest of there lives together.

“It’s probably one of the best feelings hey? To walk around being like ‘he is mine.’” I say smiling more than I should have.

“Sure is, and I just wanted to say you and Jukka are so cute.” She says turning, there was a picture of Jukka and me on the beach. He had his arm around me and I was leaning on his shoulder.

“He uh just leaves it there…” I say walking over and picking it up. I smiled at us, we are pretty cute.

“April put it there, Bam doesn’t even notice. He make Ape come in once a month to do a super clean I guess my cleaning doesn’t cut it.” She jokes laughing; I laugh and put the picture down following her into the pirate bar.

About three hours later the guys came home, Raab and Dico chatted to me about the engagement. I talked to Novak and his new girlfriend Tonya who was actually the nicest girl I have ever met that looked like her. Bam and Missy were whispering in the corner and she looked very upset. April chatted to me privately about the baby but I didn’t say much I just ate an apple.

Hi, so this is my first story and I really hope you all like it! I am aware that none of the Jackass crew are in this first chapter, but please be patient! It’s my first time and I’m doing this for fun!

Disclaimer: I do not own Jackass.

Monday 03^rd February, 08:39am.

Ha-ha, well that was fun. Oh yeah, sleeping through my FOUR alarm clocks, spilling sauce down my expensive new suit, missing the 07:45am subway, no seat on the subway I managed to catch, have to crawl up the SEVENTEEN storeys because of course, the lift is out of order, walk into the office looking like an ACTUAL stig only to be told:

“What are you doing here, Lucy? You’re on holiday right?”

Yep, I’m on bloody holiday. How could I have managed to forget that? Well, I felt like a right doofus, so I casually left the office and, this is so annoying, stepped right onto a subway home. As though it was waiting for me! So here I am, sat on my sofa talking to an iPad with a whole week which I don’t know what to do with. Hallelujah!  Ooh hang on, phones ringing. I wonder who that could be…

Monday 03^rd February, 08:52am.

Sorry I took so long. It was who I expected, the mother yet again, asking me:

“Are you sure you don’t want to move back home, love? It really is very lonely without you here since your father passed away.”

She has still not forgiven me for moving to NYC three years ago. I can’t help where this job takes me and since dad passed away last year I’ve been getting daily phone calls from, who I like to call: The Bribemeister. Oh yes, ‘the bribemeister’ is quite a lovely little thing if you really think about it, always offering me an apartment with:

“an excellent sea view, no other can compare.”

Or it’s a brand new sports car which:

“parks itself, you never have to worry about a parking space again, seriously dear it’s fantastic!”

I hate always having to say no to my mom, I find LA way too spacious and everywhere I look it reminds me of Kevin … yeah, let’s not go there. Don’t get me wrong, I love my mom to the moon and back and I would never swap her for anyone in a million years. But, I feel so much pressure from her constant nagging that it makes her slightly annoying and I just don’t know what to do with her. Here in NYC, I feel at peace, comfortable, at home. I need to be surrounded by people who just go about their daily lives, who have no idea who I am. I can slip through unnoticed. This is where I want to be. I want a slice of the apple. Simple, end of.

Anyway, I’m just going to go and have a shower and try to wash this damn brown sauce off my lovely, not-so stunning white top. Peace!

Monday 03^rd February, 09:32am.

Ah, all refreshed. Now I have to decide on what to do today. I could see what Sasha is up to I suppose, see if she wants to hang out in central park or something. Yeah, I think I’ll do that. Let me just grab my phone and give her a text. So anyway, whilst I wait for a reply, I’ll just do the daily chore and check off my ‘things to do’ list. Oh damn where is it again? Under applications? Nope, not there … maybe under tasks? Yep, found it! Right let’s have a lookie through here:

·         Get a nicer apartment. – Nope, still not there.

·         Tell mom how I really feel about her constant nagging. – Nope, she already has too much to deal with.

·         Get a car that can ‘park itself’. – Nope, still not convinced that they actually exist, MOM.

·         Find a guy who is genuinely nice, genuinely cares and who is genuinely not an idiot. – Nope, still not convinced that THEY actually exist either.

So, I guess I could get a lot done this week. Although, I doubt I’ll ever be able to achieve the last point. I seem to attract what other girls fling out in the trash. The ‘Oh I will never cheat on you baby, you know that right? Oh no, wait I actually will cheat on you because you are emotionally unavailable, so just deal with it’ guys. Oh what a barrel of laughs they are. But I never learn! Ooh yay, just received a reply from Sasha saying she can meet me at 01:00pm. Sorted. Right, I need to tidy up this pit so I’ll leave you to do your updating and charging.

Monday 03^rd February, 12:39pm.

Rightio, all ready to go. Just a quick entry before I leave. Sorry iPad but it’s going to be a deep one. I don’t know why but lately I feel like I just need a change. Not from my location or my job because, to be honest, I’m very lucky with what I have. But, I don’t know, I feel like something amazing needs to happen soon so I don’t feel like I’m doing the same stuff day in day out, the same mindless drone of getting up, working, eating, and sleeping. I just want something fresh, new and fun. I just need someone or something to come along and say:

“Lucy Cotter? Yeah, you’re life is going to change for the better because of me. No more feeling like you live in ‘Groundhog Day’. Baby, I’m the answer to your prayers.”

Pfft! Yeah right! Right iPad, I’m off to meet Sasha now and you are coming with me! Let’s go and see what today brings!

Monday 03^rd February, 02:38pm.

So me and Sasha just had lunch at ‘Sarabeth’s’ and it was AMAZING as always, I had the macaroni and cheese, thank you for asking. No desserts of course, need to lose a little weight just in case Vogue appears out of nowhere and needs an underwear model ASAP. Pa-ha, size 3000 more like! We’re just about to go and sunbathe in the park for a bit, might talk to you then.

Monday 03^rd February 03:27pm.

Right, Central Park is a little teensy weensy bit packed so Sasha and I have had to sit near the bins and no, it’s not where we belong, thank you very much! Joy! Oh well, the sun is shining, we’ve got each other and –

Monday 03^rd February 04:05pm.

Okay, so I’ve just met the guy who is going to change my life.

After I hung up the phone with Bam, I walked into the bathroom and splashed some water on my face. I was extremely nervous to see him. ‘Had I let him win?’ I thought to myself. He was definitely apologetic, but how did I know that he wouldn’t do this to me again? He definitely had a lot of explaining to do once he got here.

I sat down on my bed, and opened up my laptop. When I opened up my mailbox, there was an e-mail from my Dad.

Hey Jordan, just checking to see how everything is going. Your mom told me about your trip coming up with your friend Kelly. Even though I am sad that I won’t be able to see you over Christmas break, I have to agree with your mother that you need some time to spread your wings. You’re becoming an adult and even though it’s hard to accept, it’s true. 

Give me a call sometime soon so we can chat, and call your sister too. She misses you.

XO,

Dad

The e-mail was shocking to me. I had already expected my Dad to freak out when my Mom told him about my Christmas break trip, but I didn’t expect him to be so calm about it. But then I remembered that they both thought I was going with Kelly, not Bam. I felt guilty. I had such a bad conscious when it came to lying to someone, especially my parents.

Just as I was letting the guilt completely take over, Ashley entered the room holding two cups of coffee.

“Here.” She said holding a cup out to me. I smiled and took the cup from her.

“Thanks, Ash.” 

“No problem,” She replied sitting down on the futon. “Even though I’m trying really hard to mind my own business with all the Bam drama going on, it’s really hard to.” 

I laughed and took a sip of coffee. “No, it’s fine. I understand. After all, they are your friends. Bam is YOUR friend.”

“Did you talk to him finally?”

I took another sip of coffee and nodded. “He said he wants to come here and talk. I’m assuming that he’s on his way.”

Ashley nodded and stared down at her Cosmo magazine sitting in her lap.
“It’s probably a good idea that you two talk, just to get everything straightened out.”

A few hours later, after walking down to the cafeteria for another cup of coffee, I felt the vibration of my phone. I didn’t know if it was the caffeine from the coffee or my nerves, but I felt jittery. 

“I’m here.” Bam said when I answered my phone.

“Okay, I’ll be down in a minute.” I slid on my slippers and made my way down to the front doors. When I reached the bottom of the steps, I peered through the window of the door. Instead of seeing Bam’s face, I was shocked to see balloons instead. 

“What is this?” I asked opening the door.

“Well, these are ‘I’m Sorry’ balloons,” He said handing them over to me. “And these are, ‘I’m Sorry’ flowers.”

No one had ever bought me roses before, let alone two dozen of them. 

“Wow, Bam. You didn’t have to do all this.” I said as I craned my neck to smell the flowers.

“I know I didn’t,” He said running a hand through his curly hair. “But I just wanted you to realize how truly sorry I am for acting like such a dick.” 

I had never seen Bam so nervous before. It was like he was a different person. At this point, as I was standing there with him at the bottom of the staircase I knew he was genuine. I knew he was sorry, and I was ready to forgive him.

“I accept your apology, I really do.” I softly touched his cheek, and he nuzzled against it. I stepped closer to him and lightly put my lips to his. He kissed me back softly, and I could feel his lips turn into a smile.

“I love you Bam.”

“I love you too.”

“I thought you said Ashley was here?” Bam said after we walked into the dorm room and realized that it was empty.

“She is. She must have just went across the hall or something.” I replied as I laid the ‘I’m Sorry’ gifts on my desk.

Just as I turned to close the door, Ashley walked in. Almost on cue, I thought.

“Bam! Hey!” She said giving him a hug. “I didn’t interrupt anything, did I?”

“No, we actually just walked in.” I said walking over to sit next to Bam on the futon.

“Oh good.” Ashley said throwing her hair up into a pony tail. “So, I don’t know if you two would be interested or not but I just found out about this party going on in the building next to us.” 

Bam and I exchanged looks and Ashley continued talking.

“It’s some guy named Blake that’s throwing it. You guys wanna go?”

I looked at Bam again, and he smiled. “I’m down if you are.” He said.

After a second of hesitation, I convinced myself to go. “Yeah, I’m in.”

I threw on a pair of jeans, some grey heels, and a white frilly blouse. Ashley and I rarely ever went to a party on campus, so we decided to go all out for the evening, heels and all. 

“You look beautiful.” Bam said spinning me around. “You look good in heels, actually you look good in anything.”

Even thought it was a super cheesy line, I blushed and kissed him on the cheek. Which was not as difficult as usual since I was a few inches taller, thanks to the heels. The three of us made our way across the parking lot to the building next door. When we walked inside, we could hear the faint sound of music coming from the floor above. As we climbed the stairs to the floor, the sound of the music was now drowning out our voices. The halls were packed, and since I was new to the college I hardly knew anyone. I recognized a few faces from my classes and around the campus, but that was it. 

As we walked into one of the packed dorm rooms, I felt Bam grab my hand and squeeze it tight. I smiled and felt more relaxed, and I was glad that he was there with me. 

“Holy shit, Bam Margera! Dude! What are you doing here?” Bam and I turned to see a tall-dark haired-pimple faced guy staring right at us. I always forgot about Bam’s celebrity status, so when someone recognized him it would completely catch me off guard.

“I’m a huge fan! Jackass is my life, seriously.”

“Wow, thanks man. Glad to hear it.” Bam replied. 

As we both turned to walk away, I felt a sudden splash of liquid trickle down my back, then it got worse as I realized someone was actually pouring a drink on me. As I quickly turned around, a tall dark haired girl was staring at me with the most awful expression. She threw the cup down and stepped closer to me. 

“Who the fuck is this?” She screamed.

“Who the fuck are you?” I yelled back.

“Jenn what the fuck do you think you’re doing? What are you even doing here?” Bam yelled.

‘Jenn as in Bam’s ex?’ I thought to myself.

___

Previous Chapter

“So, who’s your friend?” I sat on the wall behind Ryan’s chair and smiled to myself in anticipation for a witty retort.
“Delilah.” He said flatly without even turning to look at me.
“Delilah… the snake?”
“Yeah.”
“Is she yours?”
“…No.” I waited for more information about the owner of “Delilah the snake” but there was nothing. He didn’t even turn to look at me.
“Okay then…”
“A’ight.” He went back to gulping his beer.
I looked around awkwardly in hope of an out, feeling a little embarrassed about the non-conversation. Dan was stood talking to Knoxville beside the drinks table. April and Phil had left to get ready for the bar and to pick up Don Vito, and pretty much everyone else was otherwise engaged in conversation. I spotted Raab sitting playing with one of Bam’s many cats and I hastily made my exit. Hopefully a chat with Raab and his feline friend would go a little more successfully.

We sat and chatted for a little while before Glomb came over, then we filmed two of the cats playing for a while. It sounds pretty boring but it was really cute and funny. Bam announced that it was time to leave and Danni and I were instructed to get into Bam’s fucked up Hummer. It took us a further hour to get to the bar because Bam had arranged for Knoxville’s phone number to be put on a sign near the main street in West Chester and they needed some footage for the prank war episode they were filming.

We eventually got to the bar and it was fairly busy. Knoxville kept insisting for everyone in there to have a drink on him, and about six rounds in everyone was starting to feel a little brighter. We stayed there for a couple of hours then moved down a few blocks to a karaoke bar. It turned out that Johnny had charged all of the drinks at the last bar to a credit card taken out by Dickhouse in Bam’s name, so this time around Bam made Johnny pay for everyone’s drinks in cash.  Everyone was pretty trashed already and Bam signed everyone up to do a song, saying they’d suffer a forfeit if they chickened out. First up were April and Phil singing some Elvis.

“So you’re enjoying yourself then?” I asked Danni as we walked to the bathroom.
“Oh my God, I’m having a blast. I can’t believe I’m even here hanging out with these guys!”
“You and Johnny seem to be getting along…”
“Sssh, hang on..” Dan checked all of the cubicles were empty before carrying on. “Seriously, like, he’s the nicest guy. We’ve totally been flirting all night. Would you be mad if, like, I got with him, or anything?”
“Mad? Why would I be mad?? You should go for it. I mean,  he’s only here for a few days, and he is sill married….”
“Yeah, I know, but we’re just having so much fun, and I think it’d be really nice,. You know me, anyway, one night things are my thing!”
That was true. I’ve never known anyone to enjoy one night stands as much as Danni. I know that makes her sound slutty, but it really was her thing. She did seem to hook up with some pretty amazing guys and it always ended amicably and tear-free without any of the messy relationship stuff. I sometimes wished I had her care-free, fun-loving attitude towards these things. Jenn came in and grabbed Danni saying something about one of the bar guys being from Liverpool like her, insisting that she has to come and see him right now. I stayed in the bathroom for a little while and fixed my make up. I was wasted and the room had begun to spin a little, but I was determined to carry on and have a good time. Ryan had picked up some blonde bombshell at the last bar and they were all over each other. I don’t know what I had been expecting from the situation, but the whole thing was just really uncomfortable, and as much as I didn’t want to admit it, it did bother me seeing him with someone else. I looked at myself in the mirror and thought back to that night in LA. It was just a one time thing, I told myself again. No strings attached. He has no obligation to you, and you have none to him. Now get the fuck out of this bathroom and have a really fucking great time!

As I walked out of the bathroom, Johnny came running over to me and grabbed my hand, dragging me towards the stage. “We have to sing! Now!” He insisted. “What, sing?! No, wait, no I can’t…” “No, you have to! You have to sing now. I can’t do it alone and nobody else will sing with me. Bam’s going to come down like a ton of bricks on my ass if I don’t do this, and even though you’re a guest at his house I wouldn’t put it past him to do something real shitty to you, too. So technically I’m doing you a favour. You know this song, right?”

I stood for a second, slightly blinded by the lights and desperately thinking of a way to get back down off the stage without looking like a twat, then the opening bars to Take on Me started. “Oh, God… no” I shook my head at Johnny as he thrust a microphone into my hand and put his arm around me to lock me in position. Here goes nothing….

As much as I was hesitant at first, singing Aha on karaoke with Johnny Knoxville actually turned out to be hilarious- as if there was any way it wouldn’t be hilarious. He sang really badly and danced around like an idiot and even got me dancing half way through. When we finally finished the song everyone was cheering us and Bam came and informed us that we were out of the forfeit. Johnny and I sat back down at the table next to Ryan and his new friend “Candy”, Bran, Raab and April.  I perched myself on the bar stool and the barman appeared with free tequila shots for Johnny and I, courtesy of Bam. As I threw back the first shot, a song kicked in which sent shivers down my spine, a song I knew all too well. I turned around to look at the stage and Danni was stood there with a guy that I presumed to be the Liverpudlian barman.

“Hey, I’m Danni of Liverpool and this, as I’m sure most of you know, is Clifford of Liverpool. This song’s for my best friend Kim AKA Lucy. I love you, girl…” She said over the opening bars of Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds. I couldn’t stop a huge silly grin growing over my face and my eyes started to well up as she sang the first line smiling over at me.

It got to the end of the song and it turned out that Clifford actually had an amazing voice. He and Danni really killed it and everyone was on their feet applauding and whistling. Everyone except Ryan, who just sat with a grumpy look on his face, pouring his own shots from a bottle of Jack. Danni ran over to me and jumped into my arms, and Clifford collected their free shots from one of the other bar guys. We sat back down at the bar and everyone was congratulating Danni and Clifford on their performance. Ryan must have said some snide remark as Johnny turned to him and snapped “What’s your problem tonight, man?” “Whatever, man..” he said, standing up. “Frankly the whole thing sickens me. It’s not my fault it was shit and you’re all stupid. Shit song… from a shitty band… from a shitty country.” He bowed and smiled sarcastically towards me and Danni before walking off towards the exit. Johnny chased after him and Dan put her arm around me, passing her tequila to me.

———-

I woke up the next day in a room I didn’t recognise at all. As I forced my poor eyes open and looked around I noticed a TV and a kettle and a mini bar and therefore concluded that I was probably in a hotel room. There was nobody else around though so who’s hotel room it was remained a mystery. I sat up and rubbed my eyes, desperately searching my memory for some kind of information about where I might be. I looked down and my stomach dropped when I realised I was wearing someone else’s t-shirt.

A t-shirt I recognised from last night.

Oh God, what have I done this time?

I heard the hotel room door open and in he came.

“Goood morning!”
“Oh……. um……… hi…. good morning, Johnny……..”

___

Previous Chapter

http://jackassstories.tumblr.com/post/17359858701/which-bam-margera-stories-are-actually-finished-i

November 2001

‘Hello?”

‘Heeeeeey theeere!” Boomed a voice from the other end of line.

‘Who is this?!’ I demanded.

There was numerous amounts of giggling in the background and I immediately realized who the caller was.

‘Jeff, STOP CALLING ME! Its two in the morning you dick!’ I glanced over at my neon green alarm. Yep, half two.

‘B-but its just so funny!’ He burst into laughter as did the other guys who were probably crowded around the cell phone.

I growled, sat up and flicked on the lamp beside me. ‘Look, its not funny.’ I roared. ’Maybe it was funng when we were young but now I’m twenty-four, you’re thirty-six. Go tell your stupid friends to get a life.’

The room in which Jeff was in fell silent.

‘Ouch, Sis.’ Jeff chuckled, brushing it off.

He then hiccuped drunkly and I couldn’t help but giggle.

‘Who are you with, Jeff?’ I asked.

‘Buddies.’ He replied plainly.

I knew he was trying to stop me from further the subject. Jeff never wanted me to talk about his friends. I hadn’t met a single one of them.

‘Cool,’ I said casually, ‘what are their names?’

‘None of your business, Kay.’ He hissed.

‘Just because I’m drunk doesnt mean I’m gonna let anything slip!’

‘TREMAINE!’ Called a voice from the phone.

‘Yupp?’ My brother answered.

‘Is that Kay on the line?’

‘Yes…’

‘Is she asking about us again?’ The mystery guy asked.

I listened in carefully to my brothers responce.

‘Yes…’

‘Why dont you just tell her. Shes gonna find out anyway, even if she didnt see Jackass on MTV we’re gonna be in a movie. She’s bound to know!’

‘Huh?’ I said quizically.

Tv Show? Movie? What?! I heard a couple of guys agreeig with this man with the tennessee accent. Jeff sniffed, staying silent then finally spoke with a strange tone in his voice.

‘Fine, I’ll pick you up from your appartment tomorrow at 11. Be ready, Kay. I mean it.’

‘Thanks, Jeff!’ I hung up, too excited too care about things mentioned before he had given up the fight.

I flicked off the switch of the lamp and settled back into my sleeping position. I closed my eyes quickly… WAIT. JACKASS?! WHAT?!

I woke up the next morning remembering the feel of Bam’s lips on mine. I smiled to myself as I got ready to go for a run “I can’t believe it’s Sunday already” I thought to myself as I slipped into a pair of jogging shorts and t-shirt. Once I was dressed I grabbed Alto’s leash and my Ipod I walked out of my house without even thinking about my phone. When I got back to my apartment 30 minutes later I jumped right in the shower, not noticing the flashing light on my phone telling me I had a text or missed call. When I got out of the shower I checked my phone before getting dressed.

“Hey Drea, do you want to grab lunch with Ryan and I at 3?” said Bam’s text.

“I would love to. Where do you want to eat?” I replied.

He gave me directions to a little hole in the wall Chinese restaurant that he and Ryan love. I got ready for my lunch date early so I could run a few errands before meeting the boys. I knew Bam was gonna ask me on another date soon so I decided to go shopping for a few new outfits. I didn’t know exactly where he was gonna take me so I shopped for a few different scenarios. I asked Alynah and Kristine to shop with me. Alynah was with Steve so she couldn’t come but Kristine met me at Wonderland LA. I don’t shop at Kat’s store often because I can’t afford much but since I just got paid and I love her clothes we start there. I got a new dress that would be red carpet worthy, a new clubbing outfit, and a new dress to go to dinner or something more normal. Kristine and I went next door so I could introduce her to Kat.

“Drea! You aren’t in for another tattoo are you?” Kat asked laughing and giving me a hug.

“No, no I just wanted to introduce you to my friend Kristine. We were just shopping at Wonderland” I replied.

“It’s so nice to meet you. I’ve done so many of Andrea’s tattoos that we have become friends. I’m so glad you found something you liked” she said.

“It’s wonderful to meet you too. We found a lot of stuff that we liked” Kristine said.

We couldn’t talk long with Kat because a client came in and she had to go. After talking with Kat I had to leave for my lunch date. I said good bye to Kristine and headed to the restaurant. I got there a few minutes after 3 because traffic had been horrible. When I arrived Bam and Ryan were already there. I walked over to their table and gave them both hugs.

“Hey guys. Sorry I’m late traffic was awful” I said as I took my seat across from Bam. He sat across from me with his blue eyes sparkling and a smile on his face. He was wearing a purple Edgar Alan Poe t-shirt, 6 necklaces that I could count, a watch on his left arm and 3 inches of bracelets on his right. He looked absolutely gorgeous. Ryan was sitting next to him also smiling at me, when I looked at him I couldn’t help smiling, he was wearing a “Listen to CKY” t-shirt with a watch on his left wrist as well.

“I’ve never heard of this place but I trust your judgment” I said picking up the menu that was on the table in front of me. The restaurant was a typical Chinese restaurant; it had huge panel murals on every long wall. One was of a heard of horses; the other was a waterfall. We were seated at a table in the far corner of the restaurant.

“Have you decided what you’re going to get?” Bam asked me after I had looked the menu over for a minute “Yep. Sesame Chicken” I replied with a nod.

“Good choice” Ryan said smiling at me.

“What are you getting?” I asked looking from one to the other.

“General Tso’s with crab ragoons” Ryan replied.

“Chiken Chop Suey with Pork Fried Rice” Bam said.

“Yum” I said smiling at them.

“Are you excited to start filming with us on Monday?” Ryan asked after the waitress came and took our order.

“Yeah I’m actually really excited. I love my job and getting to work with you and the rest of the guys is gonna be awesome” I replied.

“We’ll see how long you stay excited about working with us” Bam says chuckling.

“I could never not be excited by working with you Bam” I said winking at him. We all broke out laughing after that. Our food arrived soon after and while we ate Bam and Ryan told me horror stories from past movies about torturing production assistants. They kept me laughing so much I could barely eat my Sesame Chicken. After we finished our food I invited them to come over and hang out at my house for the afternoon.

“I’d love to come over” Bam said smiling at me.

“I’d love to also but I have plans to visit Knoxville and Madison” Dunn replied looking apologetic.

“It’s fine, go have fun. We have plenty of time to hang out” I said smiling reassuringly. Bam paid for my food even though I insisted that I would pay for my own. We said goodbye to Dunn as we walked out of the restaurant and went to our cars. As I pulled out of my parking space Bam took my right hand in his and kissed it. I couldn’t keep the smile off my face.

___

Previous Chapter