Hi, so this is my first story and I really hope you all like it! I am aware that none of the Jackass crew are in this first chapter, but please be patient! It’s my first time and I’m doing this for fun!
Disclaimer: I do not own Jackass.
Monday 03rd February, 08:39am.
Ha-ha, well that was fun. Oh yeah, sleeping through my FOUR alarm clocks, spilling sauce down my expensive new suit, missing the 07:45am subway, no seat on the subway I managed to catch, have to crawl up the SEVENTEEN storeys because of course, the lift is out of order, walk into the office looking like an ACTUAL stig only to be told:
“What are you doing here, Lucy? You’re on holiday right?”
Yep, I’m on bloody holiday. How could I have managed to forget that? Well, I felt like a right doofus, so I casually left the office and, this is so annoying, stepped right onto a subway home. As though it was waiting for me! So here I am, sat on my sofa talking to an iPad with a whole week which I don’t know what to do with. Hallelujah! Ooh hang on, phones ringing. I wonder who that could be…
Monday 03rd February, 08:52am.
Sorry I took so long. It was who I expected, the mother yet again, asking me:
“Are you sure you don’t want to move back home, love? It really is very lonely without you here since your father passed away.”
She has still not forgiven me for moving to NYC three years ago. I can’t help where this job takes me and since dad passed away last year I’ve been getting daily phone calls from, who I like to call: The Bribemeister. Oh yes, ‘the bribemeister’ is quite a lovely little thing if you really think about it, always offering me an apartment with:
“an excellent sea view, no other can compare.”
Or it’s a brand new sports car which:
“parks itself, you never have to worry about a parking space again, seriously dear it’s fantastic!”
I hate always having to say no to my mom, I find LA way too spacious and everywhere I look it reminds me of Kevin … yeah, let’s not go there. Don’t get me wrong, I love my mom to the moon and back and I would never swap her for anyone in a million years. But, I feel so much pressure from her constant nagging that it makes her slightly annoying and I just don’t know what to do with her. Here in NYC, I feel at peace, comfortable, at home. I need to be surrounded by people who just go about their daily lives, who have no idea who I am. I can slip through unnoticed. This is where I want to be. I want a slice of the apple. Simple, end of.
Anyway, I’m just going to go and have a shower and try to wash this damn brown sauce off my lovely, not-so stunning white top. Peace!
Monday 03rd February, 09:32am.
Ah, all refreshed. Now I have to decide on what to do today. I could see what Sasha is up to I suppose, see if she wants to hang out in central park or something. Yeah, I think I’ll do that. Let me just grab my phone and give her a text. So anyway, whilst I wait for a reply, I’ll just do the daily chore and check off my ‘things to do’ list. Oh damn where is it again? Under applications? Nope, not there … maybe under tasks? Yep, found it! Right let’s have a lookie through here:
· Get a nicer apartment. – Nope, still not there.
· Tell mom how I really feel about her constant nagging. – Nope, she already has too much to deal with.
· Get a car that can ‘park itself’. – Nope, still not convinced that they actually exist, MOM.
· Find a guy who is genuinely nice, genuinely cares and who is genuinely not an idiot. – Nope, still not convinced that THEY actually exist either.
So, I guess I could get a lot done this week. Although, I doubt I’ll ever be able to achieve the last point. I seem to attract what other girls fling out in the trash. The ‘Oh I will never cheat on you baby, you know that right? Oh no, wait I actually will cheat on you because you are emotionally unavailable, so just deal with it’ guys. Oh what a barrel of laughs they are. But I never learn! Ooh yay, just received a reply from Sasha saying she can meet me at 01:00pm. Sorted. Right, I need to tidy up this pit so I’ll leave you to do your updating and charging.
Monday 03rd February, 12:39pm.
Rightio, all ready to go. Just a quick entry before I leave. Sorry iPad but it’s going to be a deep one. I don’t know why but lately I feel like I just need a change. Not from my location or my job because, to be honest, I’m very lucky with what I have. But, I don’t know, I feel like something amazing needs to happen soon so I don’t feel like I’m doing the same stuff day in day out, the same mindless drone of getting up, working, eating, and sleeping. I just want something fresh, new and fun. I just need someone or something to come along and say:
“Lucy Cotter? Yeah, you’re life is going to change for the better because of me. No more feeling like you live in ‘Groundhog Day’. Baby, I’m the answer to your prayers.”
Pfft! Yeah right! Right iPad, I’m off to meet Sasha now and you are coming with me! Let’s go and see what today brings!
Monday 03rd February, 02:38pm.
So me and Sasha just had lunch at ‘Sarabeth’s’ and it was AMAZING as always, I had the macaroni and cheese, thank you for asking. No desserts of course, need to lose a little weight just in case Vogue appears out of nowhere and needs an underwear model ASAP. Pa-ha, size 3000 more like! We’re just about to go and sunbathe in the park for a bit, might talk to you then.
Monday 03rd February 03:27pm.
Right, Central Park is a little teensy weensy bit packed so Sasha and I have had to sit near the bins and no, it’s not where we belong, thank you very much! Joy! Oh well, the sun is shining, we’ve got each other and –
Monday 03rd February 04:05pm.
Okay, so I’ve just met the guy who is going to change my life.